oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
