I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
