hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
