Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
