hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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