the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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