Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
