Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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