You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
