Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just had sex on a roof
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
