You're so nebulous sometimes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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