So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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