So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
