the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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