he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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