I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
