I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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