Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
