i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
