I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
