Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
