she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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