He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
