Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
