apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
