Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
