I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
