I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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