Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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