Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
