Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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