evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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