I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think my fart just growled at me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dear god my vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
