At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
