He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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