Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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