Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
