im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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