Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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