And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
