Pappa wants mamma naked
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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