he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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