i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
