can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
