where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
