Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
