Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
