I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
