Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
