Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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