All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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