i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
